Sheli Massie

Story Keeper. Seeker of justice, healing and hope in a broken world.

Menu
  • Home
  • About
Menu

A broken Gomer-I chose pleasure over protection . #shereadstruth

Posted on September 12, 2014 by shelimassie

imagesI06C8MA7

 

For she said, ‘I will go after my lovers,

who give me my bread and my water,

my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.’ Hosea 2:5

 

Write a number.

What?

Write a number.

Write the number.

Write the number of men.

Write the number that you know.

The true number.

I can’t.

No.

Give me the number. On this paper write the number.

She knelt at my feet.

Years of guilt and shame poured down my cheek.

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to run. I wanted to look at her and say no.

Instead I wrote the number.

  And I will punish her for the feast days of the Baals

when she burned offerings to them

and adorned herself with her ring and jewelry,

and went after her lovers

and forgot me, declares the Lord. Hosea 2:13

 

The number of lives that I destroyed. The number of innocent moments I had taken from another woman’s wedding night. The number of times I denied that God’s plan was better for my life. The number of times I choose pleasure over protection. The number of times I craved acceptance over wholeness. The number of times I willingly and unwillingly gave a piece of who I was to another.

And here I was twenty years later finally pushing towards freedom.

Satan holds me. Held me. To the number.

Tried for years to tattoo it to my vision. To remind me that who I was is who I am.

I was done. I am done letting sins twisted in sheets control me.

  For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. Hosea 2:17

The chains of lies that held me then still controlled me now. Believing that I was used up, I was of no use. I had had my fair share of lovers. And to never be touched again would be too soon.

The shame that I let clothe me felt too heavy to carry alone. I was ready.

To find freedom. To see freedom. To crawl towards it.

And the first step was truth. To be honest with myself. To be honest with my husband. And to find someone to tell my truth to. Someone safe that would guide me, walk with me, pray for me, and lead me to the One who would ultimately bind up the wounds I had left gaping for years.

 And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. Hosea 2:19

Where you are. Whoever you are. Whatever you’ve done or didn’t do. He is there waiting. Crying seeing you carry your chains around. Lay them down. He is waiting. Calling you home.

Its time.

Time to return.

He is gentle and safe.

He is justice and mercy.

He faithful and true.

With arms open

Calling you to freedom.

#shesharestruth

Share:Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail to someone

5 thoughts on “A broken Gomer-I chose pleasure over protection . #shereadstruth”

  1. Robin says:
    September 12, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    This is an incredibly honest, poignant, and beautiful post. Thank you, Jesus, for your willingness to take my sin so that I may have the undeserved opportunity to dwell with the One, True, King.

    Reply
  2. Babs says:
    September 12, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    I am sucker punched. In my gut. I don’t want to remember.

    But there is Healing in the remembrance and confession.

    I can barely breathe after reading your offering. I have been a believer for 16 years now, but I don’t believe I’ve ever addressed ‘those sins’. I don’t think I ever looked at the moments that I stole from a bride… Brides. Never saw it this way. I’ve seen my wounds, my abused hurt places, the years that the locust ate… But my sins. Only in a general way in regards to physicality that should have been some lovely bride’s night of innocent intimacy.

    Oh, Lord, forgive me. My heart is aching with shame and regret and I repent.

    Thank you Sheli. Your words were divinely crafted, our beautiful Lord and Savior worked through you this morning.

    Amen.

    Reply
  3. Misce says:
    September 12, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    Sheli, this is beautiful… Thank you so much for pouring your heart out in this post and for your vulnerability… I am happy to know that you have found your freedom in Christ! Praying for your continuous victory over sin by the Grace of the Lord Jesus! 🙂

    Reply
  4. shereadstruth says:
    September 12, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    Wow, Sheli. Thank you so much for sharing your story with so much honesty and grace. It’s incredible to watch God’s hand of redemption over your heart! We love having you in our community!

    xoxo-Kaitlin for She Reads Truth

    Reply
  5. stinav96 says:
    September 14, 2014 at 11:58 am

    Absolutely beautiful! Absolutely real and raw and…. beautiful! Thank you for sharing your story of beauty from ashes. Thank you, Jesus, that you do, indeed, restore what the locusts have eaten, that you are the source of this testimony, that you are the Author of Sheli’s life!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Share My Stories

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail to someone
SheLoves Magazine: a global community of women who love

Where I hang out

  • View https://www.facebook.com/sheli.geoghanmassie’s profile on Facebook
  • View @sheligeoghanmas’s profile on Twitter
  • View @shelimassie_’s profile on Instagram
  • View shelim9@gmail.com’s profile on Google+

Find Stories Written

Archives

  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • August 2017
  • May 2017
  • March 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • March 2016
  • January 2016
  • December 2015
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • November 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • August 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • January 2010
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009
  • October 2008
©2019 Sheli Massie Theme by ThemeGiant