I see you.
Staring at the wall.
Aching for the other moms across the room to make eye contact. Yet afraid of being noticed. Or drawing any attention to yourself.
Holding in each breath, waiting for someone to whisper,
you are not alone.
I see you struggling to keep fear inside as it wears itself as anger across your face.
Sweet one, we both know why we are here.
I know that what brought you into this room is hard. It is not a quick twenty minute visit. It is not a prescription that needs to be refilled once. This is something that a Band-Aid cannot fix.
I know the reasons you are here, and you cannot utter them out loud. No one is making a t-shirt or tying a ribbon for what you are living with. You wish you could speak of why you are here. You wish that you could tell those in your life the truth of what is going on behind closes doors.
But the thing is.
This truth is too much.
You can’t talk about why you are here. Or who is here. It is not your story to tell. It is just your story to carry on our shoulders every moment of the day.
I know you are exhausted.
I know you just want this to be over and it crushes your spirit that it is only beginning.
This is what grief does. It tires your bones. It wraps itself around you and pushes hope away.
I see you sitting there and for a moment when you are finally alone,
you close your eyes.
You need these moments to just be.
To not be in charge. To not make decisions.
You need this moment to search for a place of rest. To make sense of all of these thoughts and fears taking control of your mind.
To search for the lost part of your soul. The part where you knew what to do. You knew what answers to give.
I see you with papers laid before you.
Saying yes to questions you never thought you’d have to answer.
Filling in lines of history that shame tells you, you carried here.
Sweet one. I see you.
I see how tired and worn you are.
You long for just one night of peaceful sleep.
You ache for just one hour to feel “normal” again.
Breathing in that this is your new normal.
Hold close sweet one,
and exhale mercy painting a picture of grace.
I know today was hard. It was heart wrenching,
even many tomorrows this may not be restored.
But here in this room. In this room filled with magazines of lives we will never have, this is a safe place.
It is a silent space, where your pain is heard.
It is a place where no advice is given. No looks of pity or judgement.
We will not tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.
We will not lay shame on your shoulders only grace.
We have all carried in years of pain and we are laying it here.
We are leaving it all here.
We are laying all late nights
All the answers that we have and those we are afraid to hear.
You are not the only one sweet one. I know you feel like you are.
I know you feel like this is the loneliest room you will ever be in.
But sweet one look around. You are not alone.
I am you. And you are me.